i am so so sick of all this.
suddenly, i feel like giving in to all the pressure, and just die or maybe nua at home every single day.
i feel so tired.
maybe i should do something stupid and crazy since i am still young.
maybe i should bungee jump.
okay i am too hum to do that.
not funny at all.
i am so random now.
i feel so depressed.
i think its my pms.
must be.
so many things undone.
so many things unsolved.
so many things uncleared.
i dont know where to start from.
all i know is to nua at home everyday and sleep and wake up and hope that someone will accidentally deposit 5000bucks into my posb acct.
or i will hope that maybe money will drop from the sky.
or maybe i will strike lottery tml. okay i dont buy lottery. ggwgg.
or maybe tml when i go out, i will meet this guy who is quite well to do and then we will get together and one day when i graduate from poly he will propose to me and tell me he will provide for me for all my life and i shall stay at home and be happy and give birth to maybe 2 kids or so and take care of them all my life and my kids shall grow up to be good citizens of the society and find a well paid job and give me some money to lim kopi perhaps 500bucks every month or so and then i shall die like that, happy and contented with my life, with a good husband, fillal kids and grandchildren.
okay u may say that i am still living in my very own lalaland.
but then, when things are so chaotic in reality, its good to dream a lil.
its so destressing for me.
it makes me feell happier, and more hopeful.
yes i have v low ambitions.
i dont like competition.
i dont like to quarrel.
i dont like to have conflicts.
i dont like to be sad.
i dont like to be clever.
i just want to 傻傻过一生。(sha sha guo yi sheng).
i want to be oblivious to all the things that are happening right now, all the things that are changing.
i just want to be with my best friends and have fun everyday and forget about the stress that life brings.
i just want to stay at home and accompany my grandma everyday and talk to her and listen to her telling me her stories and encounters she had when she was young and it doesnt even matters to me that ive heard them countless of times. all it matters is that i still have time to be with her.
i dont even want to go to uni right now, maybe i am just contented being a lab technician in the future.
i think i really have v low ambitions.
say whatever you like, but i am happy with my ambitions this way, for now.
i am happy with a simple life like that.
if you ask me,
would you rather be rich but unhappy,
or poor but happy?
maybe i would like to be in the middle.
not too rich and not too poor. with alot of happiness, and maybe a lil of the unhappiness - so that i will be able to appreciate the happiness that i have.
oh man, i am so random.
maybe i will turn ambitious in the future, but thats another thing.
humans do change anyway.
but for now,
when i am feeling so low,
i just feel like not doing anything and sleep like there is no school tml:)
我最喜欢睡觉。
okay pardon my random ramblings in this post.
i think i am quite abnormal today.
KEKEZ.
bye :)
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
just a random lil note,
i was reading this small tiny whiny book called " the little book of buddhism",
yeah, its really tiny.
and i realised the phrases that they have inside are v meaningful.
so allow me to share some of these phrases with you:)
" The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being."
"Firstly, we should re-examine our own attitud towards others and constantly check ourselvers to see whether we are practising properly. Before pointing our finger at others we should point it towards ourselves. secondly, we must be prepared to admit our faults and stand corrected."
"the creatures that inhabit this earth- be they human beings are animals- are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world."
" even when we are helping others and are engaged in charity work, we should not regard ourselves in a very haughty way as great protectors benefitting the weak."
" do your best and do it according to your own inner standard- call it conscience- not just according to society's knowledge and judgement of your deeds."
" to develop patience, you need someone who wilfully hurts you. such people gives us the real opportunity to practise tolerance. they test our inner strength in a way that even our guru cannot. basically, patience protects us from being discouraged."OHLALA:)
__
okay,
and i think that my life is quite messed up now.
everything is in a mess. lots of things.
i dont even know where should i start clearing.
some of them, i can do it by myself.
some, i guess i need other people's help,
or rather i would say, its up to them.
oh well, i dont really know what i am talking about either.
i just got this sudden random feeling that my life is so messy.
zxzx
i need to do something about it.
even the blog entry that i am typing now is messy.
my cupboards are all messy.
i need to pack alllllll my bags and keep them nicely.
the shoerack is messed up as well.
wayyyyyy too many shoes.
my book shelves are messy too.
the small table area near my bed; it has wayy too many school books cluttered there. all the tiny little notes that ive taken in class, those slips of papers, its appearing practically everywhere.
AHHH. ITS SO SO SO MESSY -.-
zxzx.
okay i need to go and do the online assignment for eltech now,
which is damn irritating. sianzx.
okay bye.
lurbes:)
random.
spielen spielen spielen.
haihai~
yours truly;
whiteorchids.
7:29 PM
Sunday, May 13, 2007
yay my dad is not working tml :)
okay random. zxzx
bye. =x
yours truly;
whiteorchids.
1:04 AM
Saturday, May 12, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER.HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GRANDMA.HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY MUMMY.HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY GRANDMA.and yeahyeah,
happy mother's day to all the mothers out there! :)
im a happy girl.
i met up with yiqian and mich.
and guess what,
I SAW ER-HMM.
WHAHAHAHA.
HIGHNESSS.
so-man. oh lalala.
hopefully my dad will be off on sunday and we can all have fun together as a family.
lurbes :)
yours truly;
whiteorchids.
3:55 PM